


What Lies Ahead

by TheCrimsonGhost309



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Makoto Week 2018, Persona 5 Spoilers, makoto niijima week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 19:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16046666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrimsonGhost309/pseuds/TheCrimsonGhost309
Summary: Makoto always thought her biggest fear was that of the dark. But as time passed, it brought nothing but more fears, and possibly a step forward.Written for Makoto Week 2018. Day 4: Fears.





	What Lies Ahead

 Makoto had always thought her biggest fear was that of the dark.

 

_“It’s okay, see? There’s nothing in the room, and there’s nothing under the bed.”_

As a child, that was a sentence she heard repeatedly, yet kindly, by her father or sister every time she was too afraid of going to bed, or the few occasions where she woke up screaming from a nightmare. Sometimes one of them would even stay with her until she fell asleep. She knew it to be true, there really was nothing there. But once the lights were out, her eyes would see nothing but the weird shapes of everything in her room, casting small shadows thanks to the bit of street light coming from outside the window, and before she knows it, her imagination had run wild to the point where she was all but convinced that monsters were about to get her, at which point she calls out, and the cycle repeats.

 

 

As she grew older, she had gotten both a small lamp over her bed and better at dealing with the dark in general, even if it still terrified her. Some nights, when their father came back early from work, the three of them would sit around the TV and watch or rent a movie. On rare occasions, a horror movie would be playing, and wanting to spend time with her family, she stays. Even if the majority of her experience of the movie includes mostly covering her eyes every time something scary happened, and having her father or Sae tease her about how she loved violent Yakuza movies but can’t handle anything remotely related to horror. After the movie would be over and she needed to go to her room, she would open the door, only extending her arm into the room, knowing that there’s nothing there but the irrational part of her is convinced that the same ghosts from the movie are laying in wait for her, until she quickly switches on the lights and sighs in relief when she realizes she’s safe.

 

 

As time passed after the shock of their father’s death, Makoto slowly came to realize she feared many things.

She still feared the dark, but more than that, she feared being helpless to react if anything was hidden in that darkness, getting to her out of nowhere, possibly dying a death like her father where she’s unable to defend herself.

She feared being nothing more than a burden, a parasite, to her slowly growing distant sister as she did her best to do everything she could to help Sae.

She feared her sister hated her.

She feared being left behind and losing the only family left to her.

She feared being useless, as she tried her hardest to live up to the expectations set by adults around her.

_“Right now, you’re useless to me. All you do is eat away at my life.”_

That night, the only person Makoto thought she could rely on, her last support, confirmed all the thoughts, worries and fears circling in her head with nothing more than a few words.

A few, very hurtful words.

Makoto could only sit there after her sister’s half-hearted apology, barely holding back her tears as she was left behind at the table.

She hadn’t felt this alone in a long, long time.

 

 

_“You’re useless.”_

The moment she registered these words from Ann, she felt as if all the emotions twisting in her head from the night prior had burst open. Both the rage and fear of being _nothing_ blinded any semblance of rationality she had left as she stormed towards that dark alley.

 

 

_“I found the place where I belong.”_

She had grown to be comfortable around the Phantom Thieves, being one herself now. Unexpectedly, they actually accepted her. They didn’t make fun of her being afraid of the darkness of Mementos, or the time she screamed her lungs out in Futaba’s house. Even the way Futaba playfully teased her about that incident and how she tries to get Makoto to watch horror movies reminds her of the way her father and sister used to tease all these years ago.

But best of all, she was in love with someone who both understood and reassured her, even when she showed no signs of agitation. Ren somehow always knew what to say at the times where she felt unsure of herself, encouraging her to talk about her worries and fears. A kind of support she has sorely missed.

But now, as the day of the heist on Sae’s palace approaches, she feels fear creeping up her spine again. They’ve made the best plan possible, they’ve gone through all the details. It should work.

_It will, right?_

_What if it doesn’t?_

_What if something goes wrong?_

_I’m scared. I don’t want to lose him too._

“You won’t lose me.”

A quiet, gentle voice snaps Makoto out of her trance. Ren was sitting on his small couch, right next to her. His expression was unreadable.

“Huh?”

“ ” _I’m scared. I don’t want to lose him too.”_ I’m saying that I won’t die out there, Makoto. I will come back.”

Oh, she had said her thoughts out loud.

“Ren, I-“

“The plan is set and ready. You’ve counted in the variables that could happen. We’ve gone through many ordeals up until now, and we will overcome this too. You’ve done your share, and I’ll do mine too. No matter what they do to me.”

“But what if something goes wrong? This is not like what we’ve been up against until now. This is easily the biggest gamble we’ve faced.”

She knows she shouldn’t be saying that to him so soon before the heist. She knows she was the one to suggest the plan in the first place. She knew all along the plan was a huge gamble, but it should work out well.

But she can’t help but feel fear for Ren’s life weighing her down.

“Makoto. “

She looks at him as he gently grabs her shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes. His expression was a serious, yet sincere one.

“I promise you I will come back. This plan will be a success. Believe in yourself, in the plan you’ve crafted with everyone, and believe in me.”

“I will hold you to that promise, Ren.”

He smiled as he pulled her closer. “I’m going to have to live up to it then.”

 

She replayed that conversation in her head over and over, as she anxiously paced in her living room, waiting to hear anything from Futaba or Sae. The cognitive Akechi had been dealt with before he caused any trouble, but just the fact that she missed such a crucial detail resurfaced all the anxieties she had locked away. What if she had missed another detail? What if it all goes wrong? What if-

Her thoughts were cut short by a text message from Futaba.

_“Package delivered. All is good.”_

She felt all the anxiety and fear that have been plaguing her for days fading away within seconds.

She sank into the couch, as a few tears of joy went down her eyes.

_Ren is alive. He’s alive._

She wiped away her tears and got up as she heard the familiar key click in the door, being greeted by the exhausted sight of Sae. Her expression was rather calm, not that of the angry prosecutor she had grown used to seeing.

Makoto smiled at her. “Welcome home, Sis.”

It was time for a needed, yet long-overdue heart to heart to talk between the two sisters.

It was going be a long night, but that was more than fine.

 

 

 

Makoto looked down at her hands in terror, as they were slowly fading out of existence.

The rest of her friends lay down around her, screaming in agony as their own bodies were slowly being erased.

It was over.

The Phantom Thieves had truly lost.

_Is this…what dying is like?_

_No…I don’t want to die!_

She screamed as the rest of her body completely faded out.

Until there was nothing left but suffocating darkness around her.

She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

She simply wanted to be out of there.

She suddenly felt a pair of hands grabbing her and she flinched, before she started hearing a voice.

_“-up”_

She tried to struggle against those hands, but then the voice finally became clearer.

“Makoto! Wake up!”

Her eyes snapped open as she gasped for breath, coming to realize she was in her bed. At her home.

She was alive.

The hands that grabbed her belonged to Sae, now sitting on the side of her bed with a very concerned expression.

Makoto sat up, trying to catch her breath. She felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest, as she noticed she had tears on her face.

“Shh, it’s okay, just breathe.” Sae said as she gently rubbed her back.

It was all Makoto could do to hold back her tears. She knew she would completely break down if she didn’t.

“Makoto, you’re shaking. Are you okay?”

Makoto said nothing for a little while, before nodding. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“Don’t apologize. It must have been quite a dream for you to be screaming in your sleep. Was it about…?”

Makoto nodded. “What happened on that day. With Yaldabaoth.”

It had only been a few days since they put an end to the Metaverse, and since Ren…

She had told Sae the details of everything that happened. Including being erased out of existence. To say that her sister looked horrified was an understatement.

On top of that, Ren had turned himself in, now stuck in juvenile hall. Not to mention how Morgana was no longer around.

Ren did so much for her, for them. She knew they had to do something to help him.

No leader, no Metaverse, and a member short. Could they even do anything?

She had been racking her brains trying to come up with a solution, but to no avail. Every time she thinks deeper it’s like all the worries, thoughts and fears she’s kept in begin to consume her.

_What if he stays there for years? Anything could happen by this point._

She felt tears pricking at her eyes again, and she wiped them away in frustration. So many things had happened, and no matter what she did, she couldn’t think clearly.

Before she knew it, Sae had pulled her into a gentle hug.

“Don’t try to shoulder burdens on your own again, otherwise it will just keep on eating away at you.” Sae’s voice was quiet, yet kind. “It’s okay to just cry, you know.”

Even though she had heard these words before, Makoto didn’t know why she was being overwhelmed by all the emotions she had kept locked away. Everything that had happened in the last few days had taken its toll on her, and it was only a matter of time before it all burst open.

Only it really hurt when it did.

She didn’t know how long she was sobbing on her sister’s shoulder, before she finally started to calm down. She was surprised at how much lighter and clearer her head felt after all that crying.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, much better.” She sniffled, before giving a tired smile. “Thanks, sis.”

Sae smiled back and patted her head. “Come on, go back to sleep. I’ll be staying here for the night.”

Makoto was both surprised and secretly relieved by this. She might have been feeling better, but she didn’t want to stay alone at the moment.

It was a hectic year, to say the least. One that she would never forget. One where many of her fears had come true.

And one where she realized that even if fears might come to pass, they could be overcome.

As she drifted back to sleep, she felt her thinking clear up, being more determined to help Ren than ever.

She wasn’t going to be afraid anymore. She wasn’t going to look back.

The only way now is forward.

 

Needless to say, it was the best sleep she had gotten in a while.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first time I've written any fic in 6 years so I'm rather rusty af, but I wanted to try my hand at writing something, so hopefully it turned out ok. Any feedback is more than welcome, as I might try writing again in the near future.  
> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. :)


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